Overcoming Impostor Syndrome: Build Confidence and Thrive

everyone else is better than me

Ever had a similar feeling that you are going to be found out? That you don’t really deserve your job or to be standing in front of an audience? Or even if you really know your subject somehow you know far less than the audience?

"Everyone else" we seem to think "is better than me"

In every group I run on public speaking these feelings are expressed by lots and lots of people

In her book Presence, Amy Cuddy expresses like this;

It’s not simple stage fright or performance anxiety; rather it’s the deep and sometimes paralysing belief that we have been given something that we didn’t earn and don’t deserve and at some point  we’ll be exposed”

When I was on a leadership course some years ago with 60 managers from the public, private and voluntary sector that I was amazed to find that every single manager talked about this feeling. They were going to be found out. 

The trouble is with the impostor thinking is that it can undermine our confidence massively.

However the research quoted in Amy Cuddy’s book shows that 70% of people experience this feeling. This impostor syndrome is incredibly common. It’s so normal  that it should be renamed as the “impostor experience” .
What our inner voice seems to be doing here is keeping us safe by keeping small. If you are constantly doubting yourself, if you think you are not good enough then you probably are not going to stand up and be noticed. And that’s what the survival part of the brain wants you to do. Stepping beyond our comfort zone by standing out is a risk, the brain wants you safe. Remember the brain isn’t freshly evolved, it’s a stone age brain and it’s great at over-worrying.

Ways out of the impostor syndrome
Learning to step back from those thoughts and seeing them as just the product of brain trying to keep you safe is the way out.

Being kinder to yourself and treating yourself like you would a friend. Develop a friendly encouraging voice.

Learning to focus far more on your purpose or values rather than your critical inner voice is also really important

Learning that confidence isn’t the absence of fear, it’s trusting yourself that you can do something despite the uncomfortable feelings (see below). Confidence doesn’t come straight away, you need to practice actions of confidence to get the feelings of confidence. I am still practising confidence after 20 years of teaching, going towards uncomfortable apologies when I have missed up, starting conversations on a train, challenging racism when I’ve seen it on the Tube. And I will practice confidence until I die!

Realising that fear is normal when you step out of your comfort zone and take your space.So when you do say “I think this is really important” at a meeting, that may come with anxiety sometimes.
So accepting uncomfortable thoughts and feelings when we step out of the comfort zone (which I know many people find difficult to begin with) will lead to a fuller life.

We cover all of this on my course but Russ Harris’s book The Confidence Gap will also give you a great start.